I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
