"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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