I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Randomize
