were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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