i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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