Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
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Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
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He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
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