I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
