It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
