Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
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