Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
