I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
We had sex on a dog bed..
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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