she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He better not be in your backpack
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
