I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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