PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
