never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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