She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
