he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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