Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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