I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
