Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
