Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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