I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
