Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
