Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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