I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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