butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
