I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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