She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
