There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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