I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
