Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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