Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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