i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize