Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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