We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
