i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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