you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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