are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
