Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
