Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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