Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
