Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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