I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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