i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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