Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
