Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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