guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
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My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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