i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
