@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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