Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
