My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
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