I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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