dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Still dying that you shit outside
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
