You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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