I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
