Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
