If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Did you just see the Batmobile???
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I need moral support for this bender
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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