my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
