He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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