How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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