I'm jealous of your bromance
Your dad touched me again.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
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