Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
