I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
