Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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