please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
