Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
