i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize