The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
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Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
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So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... π―πππ
Do I even want to know?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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