I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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