I think I just saw someone hide a body.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
