I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
