Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Randomize
