dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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