You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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