dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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