The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
he wants to bone in the snuggie
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
